New short essay. 'The Pigeon'.
Pigeons are disgusting, diseased-ridden, ugly birds. They are always covered in a slick gleam of grease, eating garbage, and getting in your way. It takes a lot for a person not to boot a pigeon across the street when in a rush. They take their sweet ass time sniffing around and causing you to stumble, trip or push others just to avoid them. If reincarnation does exist, the ones who would come back as pigeons would be the lowest of the low; the pedophiles, rapists, murderers, mother-beating, child abusing, dog killing, crooked politician scum of the earth motherfuckers. The life of a pigeon is as meaningless, pointless and stupid as any I can think of. At least, that was my thought up until this specific morning in the early autumn of 2012.
I woke up with the same hangover I've experienced nearly every morning for the past ten years. The kind of hangover that comes along with mental anguish, self-hatred, depression and a regret for everything said and done the night before. This type of hangover is easy to shake off however with the help of a few morning beers. It will then persist throughout the day, lingering in the back of your head, and eventually make a full wrap around around the late afternoon when the help of whiskey is necessary.
In my normal daze, I stumbled out of bed, drank a few stale beers which were previously opened the night before by a few guests of ours but not finished. I realized the garbage smelt like shit, most likely from the rotting fruit and old beans and rice I had tossed out weeks earlier. I decided it was time to rid my apartment of this horrific stench and bring out the garbage. A task which I may hate even more than doing dishes.
As I dragged the twenty pound bag of soiled garbage down the six flights of stairs it was then where I noticed two pigeons sitting side by side one another on the windowsill. They seemed happy, though I am no pigeon whisperer. Yet by the way they stood so closely and occasionally nuzzled their heads against each other, I figured they were mates. Later did I realize that pigeons are one of the only birds who do actually mate for a lifetime. One had a beautiful purple sheen to its wings which impressed me. I watched them for a moment, and even though the moment was tender and sweet, I still hated them for being dirty, stinking, pigeons and moved on with my day. The moment vanished from my mind as soon as I tossed out the garbage and went on with my life. A life which may or may be as meaningless as theirs.
A few nights later, coming in from the local dive bar across the street from my apartment, I happened to notice two pigeons standing side by side each other in the alleyway area where we place our garbage. These two pigeons caught my attention due to the fact that one of them seemed to be contorted, its neck twisted like a pretzel, causing his head to remain upside down. It was an unusual moment, not short of something I would see in a Werner Herzog documentary. I realized due to the purple sheen on its back, that it happened to be the same pigeon couple I had noticed earlier that week. This time however, they didn't seem as happy. The other pigeon sat quietly next to its injured mate and would occasionally nuzzle once again into it, but this only seemed to hurt the other bird, which would pathetically hop away, only to either fall or trip. When it would try to fly, it would hit the walls of the building and fall back down to the cold, hard, cement ground. It seemed as if the bird had injured itself by possibly falling from its perch, but couldn't be so sure.
I showed my girlfriend the two pigeons, who remained mostly in the same area since I last found them. When she tried to approach them, they scrambled away almost in hysterics. The injured bird would try to fly but only fall back down and try again. Its mate remained by its side the entire time. I noticed that my girlfriend was touched by this and to be honest, so was I. The confusion, fear and vulnerability which both those innocent animals must have been experiencing makes me incredibly sad. When I was a child, I was unable to watch any movie that involved the death of an animal, whether I liked that type of animal or not, the fact that an animal died made me sad. I believe it is due to the fact that they are unaware of what is going on and there is no way to explain it to them. You can comfort them, but they will still die in confusion and fear. When it came down to humans dying in films, I could care less.
For a day, we continued to check on the pigeons and even notified a bird rescue group, who, after explaining the injured birds obscure symptoms, said that there was a virus going around in birds which causes similar symptoms which we were observing. The virus could not be transfered to humans, but would most certainly kill the bird within the next twenty four hours. There was nothing we could do. It was pointless to bring it to a vet. It would be wrong to separate it from its mate, so we simply let everything take its natural course.
The next morning, we noticed both pigeons still in the same place. It had survived the night! I thought about them all night, sitting together, spending their final hours together, nuzzling each other, comforting each other and making the most out of their final moments, whether they were aware of approaching fatality or not. We were so excited to see the bird alive that we celebrated with a drink and called our friends to tell them the story. We ended up getting drunk well into the late afternoon, using the birds survival as an excuse to drink even though we didn't need one, and came back to the apartment joyful and happy. Before heading up the six flights of stairs to our apartment, we wanted to see the pigeon one last time. It had somehow become almost like a pet to us, as we were the only ones trying to take care of it. On any other day, a pigeon is just a pigeon. A garbage eating, greasy, shitty pigeon.
The duo were not in their normal spot, so we wandered down the narrow cement steps into the boiler group figuring they may have been scared of our presence and moved to a more private spot. And there it was. Its lifeless body curled up, twisted and disgruntled in a puddle of dirty garbage water. Its mate wandered around the dirty room as if pacing back and fourth out of disbelief and sadness that its love is gone forever. It made no noise, as pigeons sometimes do, and the three of us stood silently over the corpse of the contorted bird. We began to cry and I only could pray that their last moments together would good ones, though I highly doubt it. After all, a pigeon is just a pigeon. A filthy, disease-ridden, garbage eating, shitty pigeon. Unfortunately for their sake, they seem to actually have souls and emotion. They seem to understand love, probably in some cases, better than we do. All this makes the fact that they will never be more than a disgusting bird all the more hard to deal with.
C.F. Sell. 2013
Posted on 03 Feb 2013
Janeane Garofalo on set of 'Satan, Hold My Hand'
Posted on 23 Jan 2013
Letter to Governor Bobby Jindal
Posted below is a letter penned by Court to Governor Bobby Jindal regarding his recent decision to do away with Hospice Care for poor and disabled individuals. The letter was sent to Gov. Jindal's office on the date marked below.
January 22, 2013
Dear Governor Jindal,
I understand that you are incredibly busy so would like to begin by thanking you for your time in reading this specific letter. I am writing in regards to your recent decision to do away with Hospice Care for the poor and disabled. As I am sure you have received a fair share of mail from supporters as well as those who oppose, I will suspect that you have heard every personal opinion regarding such decision as one man can just about handle, therefore, apologize in advance for the rest of this letter, which I hope you will continue to read.
My Father, who happened to be a Reverend, was the victim of Prostate Cancer and after many strenuous years of battling the fatal disease, ultimately lost the fight. In fact, upon the time of his diagnosis, he was around your age. My Father had strong faith in God and an unchallengeable love for his religion, which he claimed helped him through his toughest days. When he found out he was sick, he decided to spend the remainder of his life preaching the word of God, comforting those who also lived in Hospice care, and plotting out his own funeral. My Mother, at the time, was the only one working in our family as my Brother and I were still young, and her weekly paycheck, which being a Nurse, was certainly not anything big, supported the costs of living, and of course medical bills. So needless to say, we were far from being wealthy. However, we managed to get by and when my Father eventually passed, he died comfortably, happily, at peace all because of his Hospice care. I know this personally because I was standing right there with him when he left us.
During these moments, I began pursuing my dream of making films and decided to follow my Father around just months before he passed in order to document his daily life and spread awareness for early cancer detection, which could have saved his life if promoted earlier on. During filming, we visited many nursing homes where my Father would spend his afternoons comforting others struck with fatal illnesses who, happened to be living in hospice care. He would pray with them and sometimes over them, depending on their condition, as he believed that his love for God and his faith in Christianity would bring comfort to those in need. While many of them were elderly, disabled and poor and some without families to bring them comfort, I know for a fact that Hospice Care brought them the kind of love, kindness, and help deserved by EVERY human being, no matter their age or income.
With that said, your decision to stop Hospice Care for a specific group of people makes me disappointed, angry and mostly ashamed to be an American citizen. For you to claim that your decision was based upon your thoughts of what ‘Jesus would do’ is irresponsible, ignorant and incredibly disrespectful to the American people, some of who do not believe in Christianity. By this decision, you are only hurting the country you claim to support and love.
I can assure you that when my Father did in fact pass, he did so in a peaceful, loving and caring environment due to the Hospice Care he was given. Even though our family did not have much money, he was still afforded the opportunity to continue his life in a comfortable manner, which once again, ALL HUMAN BEINGS deserve. It could be argued, and I understand the boldness in my next statement, but I strongly believe that my Fathers’ faith in Christianity was much stronger than yours, simply due to his kindness and respect to the individuals whom he lived amongst. He was not only a dedicated Reverend, who loved Christ, but also an advocate for Hospice Care and the opportunities that should be offered to anyone who may suffer from a long-term illness.
With that said, I wish you the best of luck with the rest of your career and hope that one day, you will realize how much harm many of your decisions have and will continue to cause our country. If you were interested in learning more about my Father, a man who shared your love for Jesus and lived a happy life due to Hospice Care, I would be more than happy to send you a copy of my documentary, which I believe you could learn a lot from. Please do not take this letter as a personal attack but simply as a wake-up call to show a bit more respect for the people of the Country you represent.
Courtney Fathom Sell
Posted on 22 Jan 2013
<< Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 Next >>